This week, I managed to do lots of writing! So far, the word count is over ten thousand. I’m quite excited and proud with how this story is coming along, truly! There was some shocking parts, as with the scene I illustrated below in this week’s comic.
I’m not going to give away the scene’s surprise. You’ll have to read it when it becomes available – but I hope that you are curious!
As I write this novel, I’m quite surprised by how well and complexly I’m getting Lucy’s character. It feels so much more true to character than any other attempt I’ve made, and much more … interesting? Three-dimensional? I feel Lucy is much more fleshed out than ever before. Which, considering that I’ve always tried writing from Lucy’s perspective, is interesting. It’s like once I got out of Lucy’s head I can see them better. I suppose their head is a very messy place to be, haha.
Anyways, I hope I will still be able to write this coming week, as there will be a fair bit of activity in my life this coming week. But! Even if the writing pauses for a little bit, I am still quite pleased with how things are going, and will allow myself to spend time elsewhere. I feel I will be able to pick this story back up, when I have time to do so. It’s just that steady of a flow, and I feel I can trust the story to be consistent and available.
On another note – would anyone be interested in Advance Reader Copies (ARC’s) of this story? I know there isn’t much to go on yet, but it’s a very fun story, I tell you! It’s much queer romance, much queer exploring, and lots of cooking shenanigans. It’s also a story that means a lot to me, so, if you do want to pitch in and help me polish it out, I’d really appreciate it ❤ ! If you’re interested, drop me a comment via facebook or instagram please!
When I write, I try and keep things realistic – it’s just that reality changes per story I’m working on, you see? It’s like every story comes with it’s own physics, rules of fate, and dynamics of reality. But the one thing that is consistent is the humanity of the character’s emotions. And that, today, is where I feel like I got a little bungled.
It’s so hard to get emotions right. Today, in my writing, I really wonder if I made a ‘tough’ character a bit much of a mush. But the thing is, sometimes tough people do become mush. It’s all about interaction and how one person pushes another person’s buttons.
Secretly, I really like what I wrote today. It was mushy, yes, but it was also very real and raw topics for me. It was about queer connections, connecting outside of the binary boundaries, and exploring tender love.
Ah, it sounds so very nice when I put it that way, doesn’t it? I hope that it was well written!
Because, really, if I do get this story right, it’s going to be something quite lovely. Quite warm, quite… I don’t know. It’s certainly not Farfadel, it’s maybe not as funny as I’d like it to be, but it’s happening and it’s a little poignant.
Anyways, those are my thoughts for today’s writings. It brought to mind this image, which I am lucky enough to be able to draw out. Because today’s writings felt fragile, sweet, and sincere, like a pinkie promise.
Greetings, friend! Today, it is a lovely day. The sun is bright (but not too bright) and everything seems chipper. Of course, I am still crabby at myself for my lack of perfection, but isn’t that part of the process? I’d like to be confident and fast with my art, but I am far from either of those today, when I tried to draw my comic.
Because! Be-Hold! The first comic has been born!
Inspired by a comment from a very lovely person, I have decided to make a comic once a week, highlighting the high points of whatever I wrote that week. This way, I can share a bit about the story with you all, without sharing the story itself – which will later be published on Amazon! Clever, clever, if I do say so myself!
So here you have it, hopefully, if all goes well, there shall be a little weekly page about Lucy’s story. I hope you enjoy these little pages, and that they inspire you to eventually read the story!
Hello, lovely people. Especially you, dear reader. 🙂 I hope you are well.
Lately, I have been on a strange mental voyage. I’ve been contemplating life. I told myself that while I was on this voyage, I was going to stop writing in order to focus solely upon myself, mentally. That has not gone so well. I crave writing, I feel like I really need it.
Today, I think, I am going to launch myself into a new story, Lucy’s story. I’m going to give it my best shot. I am going to call it self-care, and try and do it as well as I can, as much as I can without disturbing my inner balance.
But, the thing is, I don’t want this to be a lonely journey. I’d love to find some way to share this story, it’s trials and highs, with you all. I’m not sure how I will do this yet. I am very open to ideas and suggestions, truly. I was contemplating kindle vella, but that is open only to American readers, and as a Canadian it is not an option for me. I’m thinking of blogging my thoughts on it, and potentially posting snippets I am exceptionally proud of, but … is that enough? Is there such a thing as enough when it comes to sharing a tale?
So, if you are an author or a blogger, or someone who shares some sort of craft, I’d love your ideas on how to best share Lucy’s tale with people. Elsewise… I have another question for the hive mind we are a part of.
Would any of you be interested in Farfadelian teas? I have a wonderful opportunity to order custom teas from a tea manufacturer and importer close to me, and they make magnificent teas. In my dream world, I would have Farfadelian teas for everyone to buy, as well as crafts and gifts. But ah, I am afraid of failure, you see. I am afraid that if I do do this, no one will want them, and it will be a miserable affair, and I shall feel foolish. So please, if you would like Farfadelian teas, do let me know! If not, well, it probably shan’t happen!
I have been feeling so particular lately, and truly, I do not know what the matter is. Am I lonely? Am I simply wasting away in my mind, wringing myself thin with attempted perfection? Or am I anxious? Should I do more things, or less? So far, honestly, less things has not been working. But I feel so odd! Perhaps I am thinking too hard, but ah, oh well. I shall figure it out eventually, I am certain.
Thank you so much for reading, dear, and for any kind thoughts you may have. Living with a mental illness is never easy, and if I may say so, living as an artist/creator is not that easy either. However, I am certain that this period of struggle and reflection will pay off. For what it’s worth, I am glad that I have you, dear reader, with me on this journey. Thank you for being there ❤
If anyone has heard me rant lately, or ever, I have surely ranted about the ‘how’ of a story.
You can write about a flower blooming, the crossing of a bridge, you can take the most seemingly mundane and make it epic, and vice versa.
For me, oddly enough, I like things to be charming and funny. Don’t ask me why, I simply can’t be bothered to finish and push through with it if it’s dark and gritty. Trust me, it’s not from a lack of dark and gritty tales to tell. I relish in ‘intense’ and ‘epic’ idea lines. I just… can’t seem to stick with them.
Intense and epic is just so much work, emotionally speaking. It feels heavy, it feels like a wet rag on my shoulders that I’m lugging around. It’s not somewhere I want to spend my time. It’s not pleasant to spend the hundreds of hours that it takes to weave a book… being drudgily serious. Seriously!
Which brings me to a certain problem. You may have noticed I mentioned having more epic and intense tales to tell, earlier on. Well, I still want to bring those tales to life, or at least to page. Erm, you see? But how!
How, you see, is essential in writing. How, is basically everything. I don’t care what you’re writing about, the how is your alpha and omega, your breathing in the meditation.
But then, what do I do with these tales of epic grandeur that I feel calling within me?
I am not sure. I must find someway to write them, as they very much pull at me. But how? I… have a tinkling idea that it will be through perspective. The ‘who’ the story is seen through, the lens that colors the situation.
Anyways, let me introduce you to the reason I’m thinking all this: Lucy.
Lucy is a character in a tale of mine. Like so many others I hum and haw on their gender. Are they confused on it? Maybe. Am I confused on it? Very much! So they shall be a ‘they’ for the current moment.
Lucy is the main character in the tale, plot-wise. It is an old tale for me, about a decade old in my life-span. Yes, I hang on to story ideas that long. Trust me, there’s older than that! I like to think of ideas like fine cheeses. Sometimes they just age and get better! Other times they just rot and you toss them out. Either way, something might come of it. Or it might not. You’re actually never sure.
Any ways, Lucy’s tale has been beckoning me lately, and tonight I felt inspired to draw/paint them. Well, I’m pleased with the result. I hope you like it, and that it leaves you a little curious as to their story. Hopefully, if all goes well, I will be able to bring it to you soon!
Which brings me to a final question! Would anyone be interested in having this novel as a serial, on kindle vella? Or would you prefer it as an ebook?
I find myself feeling melancholic this morning. I have some reasons for this, and other reasons not to be. Balancing it is hard.
I am going through a separation, and that is difficult. Now, when I reminiscence on the romantic partnerships in my character’s lives, I wonder about mine. Will love ever return? I do not think love, like life, ever returns in the same way twice. Lightning never strikes the same place twice – or does it? I am not sure about anything in life some days.
But then, there is so much love in my life in other ways. My writing, my crafts, my experience of life is lightening and broadening. I am pleased to say that I feel better now than I have in decades. After struggling with my mental health for so many eras of my life, I feel like a new person in a new life.
I find it wholesome, overwhelmingly good. But still, in all this sweetness, I sometimes feel so lonely.
If I were to be brutally honest, my mental health infused my relationship with obsession, psychosis, and surreal feelings. How much was real, how much was chemistry of the insane kind? Much when I first went on medications and began missing my surreal connection with the universe, I miss the person who I experienced as an outgrowth of my own self.
Life is strange, and sweetly so sometimes. I am very lucky in so many of life’s trials, and this is no different. Perhaps it is because I choose to see the sweetness in life, or that I truly am lucky. Right now, I am able to see how much else there is in my life besides delirious love. This is good, this is wholesome, but like so many things, it is a rounded flavor. It is not flat sweetness.
I am not sure if this whole post is oversharing. I just wanted to let people out there who are struggling know that I am, too, and that we, in our own strange ways, are not alone. When I listen to love songs now, I think of you, dear readers, and you inspire me. I am not alone, and neither are you. Knowing that I get to share my little world of Farfadel, my joy and tears, with others and that they resonate in some way – it always brings me joy.
So thank you for reading, dear. I hope you find some happiness in your tears, and that the flavors of your life have some sweetness to them ❤
I am generally not good at resting. I get anxious, wound up, and tell myself I should be doing this or that. The thing is when trying to rest I usually don’t do much, but I want to do so much AND rest at the same time. Its conflicting.
Anyways, today I feel I have managed to rest. I am on a small vacation, (a staycation?), and am hoping to indulge in some writing and playful drawing and authorly endeavors. I am hoping to make some headway in my writing, and also… maybe submit to some publishers.
Yes, I am thinking of submitting. Its terrifying, but I think I must face the facts that I am quite terrible at this whole self publishing thing. On the one hand, I love the freedom of it. The intimacy of the story and just myself. On the other hand, I feel like I can’t get my stories out to the audience I want to reach. I feel trapped. Will publishing help with this? I do not know.
I am honestly very confused on the matter. I honestly dream of being a sensationally successful traditionally published author, yet at the same time I hate the idea of someone telling me what to do with my writings. If anyone has any brilliant insights, I’m curious to hear them.
On that note, I leave you this picture of my cat, in the hopes that I will be resting this well soon.
Dear friendy friends, dreams are so important in life. Dreams (the kind that happen in our sleep), are our way of processing, of understanding things. At least, to my knowledge, that’s how they work. Sometimes, of course, dreams just pop up and give us the answers to things, opening a window into a world unseen and, really, making us wonder where that genius idea came from.
It is a poorly kept secret that I get my story ideas and solutions from my dreams. I will dream up story concepts that trigger an entire series, and then when I get stuck, I will sleep on the problem and dream up a solution. I consider it a particular gift, and am very pleased to have access to this part of … something.
But through this all, I’ve had a sort of revelation lately. I realized that even my less mystical, more mundane dreams all contain elements of fantasy. I rarely ever dream without monsters, dragons, knights and mystical elements somewhere in the story. I thought for a while that this was because I, me, in my mind, am somewhat disconnected from the life of reality, from living totally and completely in this world. Some part of me is always away in a fantasy world, in Farfadel, so to speak.
Recently, however, I thought that maybe this tendency to dream in fantasy terms is not unique to myself. Maybe it’s amplified by my dreamy disconnect from this world, but maybe it is simply what fantasy does. I mean by this that fantasy is a way for us to understand and process our world, our experiences, in a way that isn’t as hurtful or direct. It’s a language of metaphors and symbols, all which can mean what we need them to, speaking directly to our subconscious in some cases. Fantasy allows us to create and process our worlds (both inner and outer) in ways that realism just seems to be unable to do. Fantasy, I suppose, speaks directly to that ‘everything goes’ mind-frame we have when we dream, which is a state of mind we also had as children before we learned the rules of the world. I think this might be why fantasy is so important for children and those who dream. It is a way to plunge into that dream-like state, process things that are larger than our concepts of reality, and understand ourselves and our situations in a more complete and full way.
Taking this into consideration, I think that fantasy is not only important generally speaking, but that for those who suffer, fantasy is even more important as it can serve as a healing and retraining of the soul. Fantasy, by allowing us to touch deep into our psyche, allows us to not only imagine new, better options for ourselves, but to comfort our minds in a very deep way. In essence, a positive fantasy story will tell us, deep into our psyche, that everything will be ok. It uses metaphors and symbols to show us ‘how’ everything will be okay, too, thereby giving our minds a way to move forward from the pain. Basically, a fantasy story with positive messages and comforting portrayals will allow the mind to relax, feel safe, and move forward in the thought-processes and messages learned from this story.
A little note here, if you will. I feel it important to point out that the themes and symbols are important, but equally, if not more important, is the ‘how’ of everything. How are solutions found? How are conflicts resolved? How are villains dealt with? All this is showing our minds how to react, how to process, and where to position ourselves.
For me, as I say often, Farfadel was a world of refuge for me. I wrote it to be happy, to be safe, to be a place of healing. At the time of creation, I was in such a state of anxiety and disconnect from the world that reading books or watching movies was painful. This was because my subconscious was filled with anxiety and dissonance. Farfadel, in a way, allowed me to show myself that positive things can happen, and that there are forces for good in the world. When I am struggling, I often find myself thinking back to the world of Farfadel, finding not only comfort in it, but also solutions through the paths the stories have laid out into my mind. I honestly do think that having the stories of Farfadel in my life has allowed my mind to internalize that there is joy and happiness to be found in the world. This is particularly because it speaks to such a basic ‘child’-like and innermost part of our mind through the language of dreams, that is, fantasy.
To summarize shortly, I think that fantasy speaks to our innermost psyche by speaking the language of dreams. This, I believe, can be largely healing and helpful for those who are in pain, mentally speaking. I think that the stories of Farfadel has helped hugely with this healing for my own mind. I hope as well that such happy and positive stories will help heal others who need the warmth and comfort of positive dreams.
Not so secretly, this is a large part of ‘why’ I continue writing and laying out the world of Farfadel for others to read. I really do hope it can help heal others, and by healing them, bring our world closer to a happier existence, a more harmonious existence. Perhaps, in this way, we will bring Farfadel into existence not just in our minds, but here and now.
Verily, lovely ones, I hope that you’ve had a lovely holiday, no matter what you celebrate.
At my home, it has been a busy but happy holiday. In this, I have been very lucky.
I have also been very lucky as to have time to craft a small army of gnomes. Ah, yes, the season of craft fairs is nearly upon us, and I am hopefully going to be attending some, as a vendor. If that does not work out, I will try and attend virtually, with an online shop. As this here newsletter mentions sneakily, I will be trying to make some merch for my novels. Why not?!
So here, without further ado, I give to you the 4th instalment in my newsletter series! I hope it cheers your week up and on, and that you enjoy it.